I tried Pizza Punks' new Hawaiirn-Bru pizza and there is only one word to describe it

I first discovered Irn-Bru at a convent in the far north of England in 1984 (it’s a long story). I tasted my first ever Hawaiian pizza in 2022. The two incidents occurred 38 years apart, but they led to this unique moment in my life: sitting in Pizza Punks on Bold Street about to tuck into a Hawaiirn-Bru pizza wondering 'what the hell is this going to taste like?'

I mean, how do you even combine Scotland’s most popular soft drink with a ham and pineapple pizza named after an island in the Pacific Ocean? They are 6,899 miles apart geographically ... and even further away in a culinary sense. But the mad/genius minds in the Pizza Punks kitchen have managed it. 

Take a slow-cooked ham hock infused with herbs, spices and the tantalising addition of Irn-Bru. Turn it into pulled pork and sprinkle liberally on a pizza, along with caramelised pineapple, Shop Burnt Pineapple Hot Sauce and some of that Irn-Bru liquor from the marinade.

“It’s a different vibe,” Pizza Punks head chef George Zappa told me. He wasn’t wrong.

I can only describe the taste sensation as ‘mind-boggling’. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t this.

I suppose I was anticipating some sort of ‘sugary pop’ taste, but those concerns were immediately dispelled. The subtle undertone of Irn-Bru was certainly there, but the heat of the chilli provided a perfect counterpoint. The caramelisation of the pineapple removed much of its sweetness too and the overall balance was spot on. I’m still not 100% sure how they managed to pull it off such a radical combo, but I honestly found it delicious.

On the downside, my relatively new relationship with the crowd-splitting Hawaiian pizza is already over. I won’t be eating any pineapple-topped pizza anyomore, unless it’s a Hawaiirn-Bru. It’s just so much better.

Still not convinced?

Well, after also treating myself to the garlic cheese Nduja hot honey bomb - which makes its long-awaited return to the new summer menu, along with Birria Beef, Hot Cheetoh, Vegan Meatball Marinara, Hot Mess and Ruby Murray pizzas - I was too full to finish off the final few slices of pizza and took them home, boxed up.

After extoling the virtues of the unorthodox Hawaiirn-Bru concoction to my wife, I urged her to try it. As part of the anti-Hawaiian pizza brigade, she screwed up her face and looked nonplussed by my request. However, two minutes later, the box was empty and she was licking her lips.

It is certainly something everyone should try. I’m going back for another one.